if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
