They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Randomize
