i just google imaged poop.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I can't put those talents on a resume
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Randomize
