I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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