You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
