I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
