I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
