his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
