I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Randomize
