I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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