life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
