when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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