A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
