I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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