If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
