I wannas sexs uuuuu
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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