Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
