im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
