I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
