Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I just cut my nipple shaving
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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