No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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