I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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