His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
