does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
