I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Im just a social blackout drinker.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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