Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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