Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
the day after is always just damage control
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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