The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
