Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
