Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Randomize
