Can Purell be used as lube?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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