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well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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