miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
