she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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