i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
