I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I just found puke in my bra..
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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