No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
barbara walters just said penis...
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
