who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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