Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
