dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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