You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
