someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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