She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Drake has all the answers
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
