i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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