just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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