It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize