Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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