Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
