just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
he just fucked me for my cheese..
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
