ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
