i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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