glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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