I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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