All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I just found puke in my bra..
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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