I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
