I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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