I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
im six kinds of drunk right now
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
