if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Vodka?
Forever.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
