Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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