How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
