You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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