Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
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